Wow, what a convoluted thread this has been. I'll refrain from raking up the past, but will ask, "Did you have fun, girls?"
I got to disagree with OP on a couple of things too. While the Kemper's effects may not be many, lousy they aren't, I just have to look at a few presets done by guys like Bill Ruppert, Paults and Meambobbo to underline that. Heck, even the presets I've made aren't too shabby. Perhaps things like delay and reverb are worse than on the Axe. But the pitch shifter and harmonizer on the Kemper are better and I daresay other effects too.
Also, you're monitoring on headphones? Not my ideal way to test out a device like the Kemper. Make sure you turn on headphone space. Pretty sure there will be improvements going forward too. I'll note that a lot of people aren't very happy with how the stomps are modelled, but I find them quite useable.
Profile those vintage stomps guys, it's