Drummer says to his therapist: Nobody likes me, neither my band nor my girlfriend.
Therapist: Why is that?
Drummer: I always come early.
Musicians jokes
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There are 4 quarters of a football field.
In the middle of the football field lie 10000 dollars. The one who reaches the middle gets the money.
In one quarter there's a good drummer, in one is a bad drummer, in one is a bass player and in the 4th corner is a guitarist.
Who gets the money?
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The bad drummer.
Here is why:
There are no good drummers.
Bass players don't move.
The guitarist has not understood how the game works. -
One blues guitarist asks another blues guitarist: "What chord comes as second chord after A major?"
Replies the other blues guitarist: " What? A major IS the second chord!"I'll stop now....
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no, please don't stop!!
the accordion player in our band had her accordion in the back seat of her car last weekend, when she went shopping at the Mall.
she rushed back to the car, when she remembered that she had left the windows rolled down!!!
when she got to the car, she saw that there were 2 more accordions!!! lol -
A conductor comes into rehearsal room and calls the musicians. "Take
scores for some corrections: third bar raised by a half step, fifth bar
was 4/4 but now is 5/4, seventh bar back down a semitone, add 2/4 to the
tenth bar and down another half step in the twelfth" ... Musicians
looked at each other astonished and began to write, while the singer
came out looking worried and asked: "and what do I do?" The conductor
looked at her and said: "Well, just do exactly what you did yesterday" -
@albert is winning so far with his GREAT first forum post! WELCOME!
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Thanks for your welcome Pault.. Great place, I'll be around here often..
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This one is an old favorite of mine. I didn't copy and paste it from somewhere, either. I typed the whole thing
A jazz saxophonist saved up all his money for years, so he could move to Paris, and become famous. He got an apartment in the artsy part of town, and woke up one morning after a storm has passed through, and walked out onto the balcony to see a beautiful rainbow.
He grabbed his saxophone, and started to play "Somewhere Over The Rainbow". His entire world seemed perfect, like everything he had ever done in life had lead him to this moment. Until he got to the Bridge of the song....
He couldn't get it right - something he was playing was wrong. How could he have forgotten such a simple part? But, it was completely gone from his fingers. He got angry. REALLY angry. So angry, that he stomped his foot, slipped and fell off the balcony down onto the street.
Then, the ambulance came:
Da-dum, Da-Dum, Da-Dum, Da-Dum.............
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What sound does a Grand Piano make when you drop it down a Mine Shaft?
Abm
(say it out loud)
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How can you tell when the stage is level?
The drool comes out of both sides of the drummer's mouth.
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What do you say to a Bass player in a suit?
"Will the Defendant please rise?"
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What's the best way to use a banjo?
As kindling for an accordion bonfire...
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Unfortunately this one only works in german due to rhyme and speaking rhythm:
Ja, es hat schon seinen Sinn
Dass ich ich Rhythmusgitarrist bin.Translation (the joke gets lost): It makes sense that I'm a rhythm guitarist.
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Musician 1: Hey, I released my new album last month!
Musician 2: Wow, what did you sell?
Musician 1: So far, my tv and my fridge... -
What does a rock musician say to a jazz musician?
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To the airport, please!LOL BTW Ingolf, you hit 11 111 posts now - hard work for me to overrun you, but doable here
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@Ingolf you should sell your KPA's and go into stand up comedy lol
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Bands meets for the first time after a holiday break...
Everyone tells what they've been up to during this time, where they went for vacation... you name it.
Only the guitarist states that he has spent his time in the rehearsal room practising 32th notes.Band goes: "Well, play one!"
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A musician: Person who puts 5000K gear into a 500 bucks car to drive 50 miles to get 5 free drinks !
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What do have vacuum cleaner and electric guitar player in common?
Both suck when you plug them in.
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How many drummers does it take to change a light bulb?
Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins.
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